Prayer Request

Invocation

having decided to turn the page
that something may be done about the internal battle
…being fought within
the spiritual warfare that my psyche relentlessly wages
I began to care again
…and it was right about then, she caught my eyes

flowers were sent
so too her favorite perfume
daily greetings met with  enthusiasm, smiles,  laughter

somehow I believed we had both become attuned
to what the other wanted and needed
taking delight in visions of what I hoped would become
the happily ever after
I couldn’t have been more wrong because before long
she became another nay sayer,  making excuses

once again anger began to perfuse my body
slammed my fist on the table, looked to the heavens
…and made it known that I was done with that prayer

what ever happened to getting excited
how does one not allow love walk through the door
after inviting it in
poor judgment on my part I guess, this I must accept
seems that page wasn’t turned at all
…because I’m still confronted with the same mess

people hearing but not listening to what you say
people hell-bent on accumulating accolades
people unwilling to meet you halfway

tired, so very tired I’ve gotten of people playing me close
testing my mettle to the point to where I could just explode
their one-upmanship
like their capitalistic callousness deems them exempt
the thought of human connectedness, I dare not attempt
I look to heavens realizing I’m done with that prayer

Cessation

Rory

©rj2011

Still Invisible

finally it got to the point to where
I was no longer willing to listen
to the voices that kept vying for my attention
distracting me rather
that sanctimonious vitriol they kept spewing
damn know it all’s
with their envy ….and…
passing of judgments

pretty boy, nigga with the good hair, who do you think are,
ain’t going to amount to nothing, always finding something wrong (the crap I used to hear)

all that and still they would manage to seek my counsel
wondering why I would choose not to come around
often times I would stand above it all
but mostly I was being standoffish
never allowing anyone to get close enough
due to my attitude drifting towards the acrimonious
I needed someone around me that would talk sensibly
especially since my actions began bordering on the felonious

had me questioning my identity while my motives were being questioned, where are my answers? Where is my love? Where is my confidant? (the concerns within my prayers)

all my primary vision ever contained really
was the person who would drop everything whenever I called
we could share moonlit walks accompanied with heart to heart talks
taking simple things and transforming them into the bon vivant
understanding, knowing
not just superfluous words but actually showing one another
a love indivisible
this is what I choose to give


Rory

©rj2011

Invisible

it was that kiss
firmly planted on a cheek unreceptive
the reaction was cold, numb, isolative
like ocean waves retreating from the shore
i remember feeling pushed away
trying desperately to process the negation

aren’t kisses expressions of love?
aren’t kisses at the very least, supposed to make everything better

an instinctual act born out of spontaneity
how could I have known any better 
i was only mimicking
…and these were not the sensations I had expected
my sense of security transitioning into uncertainty
then those familiar, adoring eyes landed upon me

whisked away into the reassuring bosom
soft hymns quietly soothing my anxiety
reminding me that everything was going to be okay
a kaleidoscope ideas appears before me
as steadily I was  being rocked to sleep
what developed inside me was…a knowing

i knew what my intuition was telling me
uttering my first mantra
if i could only get past this point
i knew when I was to grow up
it would be better for me to be invisible
so my kiss never again would confuse things

thus began the squalor which became my life

spoiled
 selfish
  temperamental
   impatient
    inattentive
     lazy
      defiant
       careless
        ineffective
          imprisoned



i remain all of those things
working moment to moment in effort to release them
only now I let my intentions be carried by the wind
that they may merge with the tides
...and the mountains in the distance
hopefully recognized for what they truly are, and received

Rory

©rj2011

Beyond Known Quantity

A story told in senryu

Pathway To Emptiness

 

what I wanted most
to have her heart and spirit
could not be obtained

******

More Than This

intimacy fades
when our aberrant pleasures
turn indifferent


******

Fathoming

far greater must be
the experience which
transcends the physical

******

Obstacle Course




scars hidden deeply
  gives love little chance when trust
was stole long ago


******

Recogn(eyes)

she wondered if the
look in my eyes was also
the love she now felt


******

Lucid Dream(s)



...and if I were to
ask that we meet on Venus
would I see her there?

Rory

©rj2011