Prayer Request

Invocation

having decided to turn the page
that something may be done about the internal battle
…being fought within
the spiritual warfare that my psyche relentlessly wages
I began to care again
…and it was right about then, she caught my eyes

flowers were sent
so too her favorite perfume
daily greetings met with  enthusiasm, smiles,  laughter

somehow I believed we had both become attuned
to what the other wanted and needed
taking delight in visions of what I hoped would become
the happily ever after
I couldn’t have been more wrong because before long
she became another nay sayer,  making excuses

once again anger began to perfuse my body
slammed my fist on the table, looked to the heavens
…and made it known that I was done with that prayer

what ever happened to getting excited
how does one not allow love walk through the door
after inviting it in
poor judgment on my part I guess, this I must accept
seems that page wasn’t turned at all
…because I’m still confronted with the same mess

people hearing but not listening to what you say
people hell-bent on accumulating accolades
people unwilling to meet you halfway

tired, so very tired I’ve gotten of people playing me close
testing my mettle to the point to where I could just explode
their one-upmanship
like their capitalistic callousness deems them exempt
the thought of human connectedness, I dare not attempt
I look to heavens realizing I’m done with that prayer

Cessation

Rory

©rj2011

Still Invisible

finally it got to the point to where
I was no longer willing to listen
to the voices that kept vying for my attention
distracting me rather
that sanctimonious vitriol they kept spewing
damn know it all’s
with their envy ….and…
passing of judgments

pretty boy, nigga with the good hair, who do you think are,
ain’t going to amount to nothing, always finding something wrong (the crap I used to hear)

all that and still they would manage to seek my counsel
wondering why I would choose not to come around
often times I would stand above it all
but mostly I was being standoffish
never allowing anyone to get close enough
due to my attitude drifting towards the acrimonious
I needed someone around me that would talk sensibly
especially since my actions began bordering on the felonious

had me questioning my identity while my motives were being questioned, where are my answers? Where is my love? Where is my confidant? (the concerns within my prayers)

all my primary vision ever contained really
was the person who would drop everything whenever I called
we could share moonlit walks accompanied with heart to heart talks
taking simple things and transforming them into the bon vivant
understanding, knowing
not just superfluous words but actually showing one another
a love indivisible
this is what I choose to give


Rory

©rj2011

Invisible

it was that kiss
firmly planted on a cheek unreceptive
the reaction was cold, numb, isolative
like ocean waves retreating from the shore
i remember feeling pushed away
trying desperately to process the negation

aren’t kisses expressions of love?
aren’t kisses at the very least, supposed to make everything better

an instinctual act born out of spontaneity
how could I have known any better 
i was only mimicking
…and these were not the sensations I had expected
my sense of security transitioning into uncertainty
then those familiar, adoring eyes landed upon me

whisked away into the reassuring bosom
soft hymns quietly soothing my anxiety
reminding me that everything was going to be okay
a kaleidoscope ideas appears before me
as steadily I was  being rocked to sleep
what developed inside me was…a knowing

i knew what my intuition was telling me
uttering my first mantra
if i could only get past this point
i knew when I was to grow up
it would be better for me to be invisible
so my kiss never again would confuse things

thus began the squalor which became my life

spoiled
 selfish
  temperamental
   impatient
    inattentive
     lazy
      defiant
       careless
        ineffective
          imprisoned



i remain all of those things
working moment to moment in effort to release them
only now I let my intentions be carried by the wind
that they may merge with the tides
...and the mountains in the distance
hopefully recognized for what they truly are, and received

Rory

©rj2011

Beyond Known Quantity

A story told in senryu

Pathway To Emptiness

 

what I wanted most
to have her heart and spirit
could not be obtained

******

More Than This

intimacy fades
when our aberrant pleasures
turn indifferent


******

Fathoming

far greater must be
the experience which
transcends the physical

******

Obstacle Course




scars hidden deeply
  gives love little chance when trust
was stole long ago


******

Recogn(eyes)

she wondered if the
look in my eyes was also
the love she now felt


******

Lucid Dream(s)



...and if I were to
ask that we meet on Venus
would I see her there?

Rory

©rj2011

Kaki

…and he was told of an exotic fruit
the persimmons from the far east
Kaki
said to be the finest of it’s kind
when completely ripened, a most delectable feast
thus began his odyssey

…with it’s soft, smooth texture etched in his mind
 he set out to find the nearest Tanenashi
subtle in appearance, bold in flavor
best consumed when peeled and thinly sliced
the sweetness from it’s juices only the heavens could bequeath
his tongue pulsates with anticipation of his bite into divinity

…time for making a selection and only perfection will he choose
slowly and deliberately his perusal
finally within his grasp, at last,  the one he shall savor
so firm, so impeccable, most enticing
unspeakable euphoria while indulging in this orgasmic revelry
as it’s silky libations practically drops him to his knees

bowing with reverence
"konnani oishii kudamonowo arigatou"

Rory


©rj2010/11

 images of Izumi K used by permission
all rights reserved

Remnants

admittedly it was a struggle to write this
I figured that any way I would try to shape these words I feel
they would be expressions you have already known
be they blissful or wistful
you would recognize my tone
still, even though we’ve  been apart for a while
each time in the quiet of my own, when I think of you
there can only be a smile
I just loved how on every level we connected
you have me fascinated with your intellect
the way you candidly express yourself
your open-mindedness
not to mention your body
I can’t describe how it feels when you’re next to me
it pains me to be not exactly sure what went wrong
just know that my heart is where you are
…and my love for you remains

I’ve begun this letter a few times 

even considered not answering 

are men really so dumb or is it just you 

how could you not know how you hurt me that night 

a silly quarrel over nothing, maybe 

but you were so offhand 

it hurt me so 

O I didn’t know you that night 

and when we said goodbye the door slammed too hard 

for there to be any mistake 

and now you say you’re not sure what went wrong 

but you miss me and love me 

so cavalier 

do you know how you left me 

when you closed that door
the shards of my heart fallen crisply at my feet 

so your heart is where I am 

funny I don’t see a thing 

are you certain that your love remains 

or is your love merely remains?

certainly you remember that if you were to ask
I would have done anything
that if ever you whispered my name into a soft wind
I would drop everything
…and to you I would come running
providing your comfort, protecting your emotions
giving you all that resides within me
such as a man should do
that night was a mistake inside my head
now I have come to realize that..
each moment living without you, I dread
missing when it was that we would stare into each others' eyes
seemingly without end
it is my hope that you would want to share this with me again
I believe that our love deserves a second chance
instead of becoming just a remnant of our pasts
come to me, that our love may advance, loving each other infinitely

O I love you I love you I love you so
desolate, dry, in disrepair is my life’s landscape with you not there
I know how you feel, I know you speak true
I was playing games
I simply didn’t want to make it too easy for you
I wanted you to be wounded as badly as I
but now that I see that you were it only hurts more
O I love you I love you I love you so
I don’t want this to be a second chance
our love’s bond was never broken
let this be known, simply, as our love
then, now and always
no second chances
just we two
together still
together always
as we must be



Rory & Leeza


©rj2011
Leeza 02/23/11

A Juxtaposing

tired really, of the ego insistence on
always finding it necessary to talk over me
knowing more of everything, about everything
anywhere from, this life being a test from God/Satan
…to the best way to shine your shoes
just get in line, be patient and pay your dues
that placating tale so often told
teased, tempted, tested
frowned upon when I laughed
laughed at when I frowned
anger was something I was not supposed to feel
so numerous times I questioned why it was…
…quite often being projected upon me
Silence became a vital survival mechanism
although I listened, honestly I didn’t hear
I just couldn't get with its philosophical shammer
you know what I’m talking about right

that attention seeking, always running their mouth,
always in your face, always coming at you
loudest mother fucker in the room
it was from this person (these persons) I ascertained
the more one talks, the more one really doesn’t know…
…what they are talking about
tell them that and of course their world will shatter
now the difference is, they walk around projecting their guilt

and when you ask them what could the matter?
seems so strange…
…that somehow it turns out that I have hurt them
this by speaking a truth and desiring an even exchange

Rory


©rj2011