it was that kiss
firmly planted on a cheek unreceptive
the reaction was cold, numb, isolative
like ocean waves retreating from the shore
i remember feeling pushed away
trying desperately to process the negation
aren’t kisses expressions of love?
aren’t kisses at the very least, supposed to make everything better
an instinctual act born out of spontaneity
how could I have known any better
i was only mimicking
…and these were not the sensations I had expected
my sense of security transitioning into uncertainty
then those familiar, adoring eyes landed upon me
whisked away into the reassuring bosom
soft hymns quietly soothing my anxiety
reminding me that everything was going to be okay
a kaleidoscope ideas appears before me
as steadily I was being rocked to sleep
what developed inside me was…a knowing
i knew what my intuition was telling me
uttering my first mantra
if i could only get past this point
i knew when I was to grow up
it would be better for me to be invisible
so my kiss never again would confuse things
thus began the squalor which became my life
spoiled
selfish
temperamental
impatient
inattentive
lazy
defiant
careless
ineffective
imprisoned
working moment to moment in effort to release them
only now I let my intentions be carried by the wind
that they may merge with the tides
...and the mountains in the distance
hopefully recognized for what they truly are, and received
Rory
©rj2011
firmly planted on a cheek unreceptive
the reaction was cold, numb, isolative
like ocean waves retreating from the shore
i remember feeling pushed away
trying desperately to process the negation
aren’t kisses expressions of love?
aren’t kisses at the very least, supposed to make everything better
an instinctual act born out of spontaneity
how could I have known any better
i was only mimicking
…and these were not the sensations I had expected
my sense of security transitioning into uncertainty
then those familiar, adoring eyes landed upon me
whisked away into the reassuring bosom
soft hymns quietly soothing my anxiety
reminding me that everything was going to be okay
a kaleidoscope ideas appears before me
as steadily I was being rocked to sleep
what developed inside me was…a knowing
i knew what my intuition was telling me
uttering my first mantra
if i could only get past this point
i knew when I was to grow up
it would be better for me to be invisible
so my kiss never again would confuse things
thus began the squalor which became my life
selfish
temperamental
impatient
inattentive
lazy
defiant
careless
ineffective
working moment to moment in effort to release them
only now I let my intentions be carried by the wind
that they may merge with the tides
...and the mountains in the distance
hopefully recognized for what they truly are, and received
Rory
©rj2011
I know this is dealing with a very personal issue, one that made a very deep mark on you, and consequently changed how you interact with the world...sighs...I know this feeling well. I know I can never walk in your shoes, nor you in mine, But through your writing here today, you have left me with a very important message...it's about forgiving those who did wrong by us, those who were meant to love and protect us, and to write a new mantra in our lives...I know it will be a beautiful one Rory...
ReplyDeleteThe music you chose is just stunning, and really adds dimension...(yes cosmically), to this write.
And the picture you chose speaks a thousand words.
There is no mountain that is unreachable to you my Dear Friend. I see you