(a satirical short story)
Once again this was a lazy day for Frank. He didn’t do much around the house during the day at all. That’s the beauty of retirement, you can lay around and do nothing if you so choose. Maybe one day he’ll get up and get some exercise and lose his pot belly. Perhaps one day he’ll fix the roof if he ever feels like it. Today was just more of the same, ignoring his wife, ignoring tasks around the house that needed to be done while discreetly enjoying shots of Jack Daniels from his flask. Having been up all night sitting on the couch with his laptop reading blogs on Myspace, he takes another swig before reading the next blog when….
….suddenly the room has began spinning
his mouth drops wide open, saliva drips on to his chest
bloodshot are his eyes and his vision is becoming blurry
a silhouette has taken hold of his awareness
so powerful, so alluring
there before his very eyes, his favorite blogger, Lover Lovingston
why she is alone with him here and now is somewhat perplexing..
..but he won’t question this reality because he wants to get him some
her whispers ignite his desire, “c’mon and let me take you there sexy”
guessing that somehow he must have died and arrived in heaven
witty, intelligent, sensuous, this his dream woman
she lights a fire within him every time she blogs about watching Norman
with every wink, every smile she’s making him feel more special
now within his grasp, their lips meet, time to deliver his love mettle….
Slowly Frank begins to awaken to vigorous nudging on his stomach and a couple of very loud, very hard slaps applied to his face by his wife. She vehemently screams her displeasure. “Damn you Frank!” “You worthless piece of crap!” “You’re drunk again and you’ve been up all night reading those damn blogs again!” “I never should have married you!” “Get up and do something around this house!” She slaps him again. “And get that picture of her out of your mind because that was not Lover Lovingston!”
“This is Lover Lovingston!”
“You better get off your ass and do something around here!”“ Do you really think she would like a fat, pot bellied, drunk degenerate like you?” “You need to (she continues on ad nauseam)……
Rory
©rj2010
*image of Lover Lovingston used by permission
(all rights reserved)
(all rights reserved)
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